people around you are severely depressed and maybe even need counseling,

but

you are feeling amazing and feel like you don't want to be around those people to bring you down?

i may just be an asshole, but i'd like to keep my positive attitude right now.
i dont know how long it will last, so i'd like to squeeze every last moment out of it.

irrelevant.
but.
i tried so hard.
i really did.
when a relationship didn't work out.
(and for obvious reasons).
i pursued a friendship.
well that has finally deteriorated.
and i should feel like im losing something.
but you know what?
i really don't feel anything.
yes, you are a loss to me.
but what exactly am i losing?
awkward nights with dry conversations and sparce uplifting moments drawn too far apart?
i don't need that.

in other news, i have succesfully revitalized my acoustic project. i love it. i'm so corny and i love it.

p.s.

i know you'll make it.
be strong.
i love you.


p.p.s

when all this is over i'll be here, waiting.
please forgive me.

why do i get to know the flakiest people with the worst personalities ever who have no common sense or decent taste in music, and then ask them to be in a band with me.


fuck.

we need a new drummer.
i cant stand this guy.

my job at hollister is working really well. i still havent gotten my first paycheck (i pick it up tomorrow)but i've been working my ass off for the past couple weeks since i've been there. the girls are cute and tolerable and i get somewhat decent working hours. there are some really cool people that work there, too. although there is this one guy that hates me because i said saosin was nothing without anthony green. he's all butt hurt about that. and some people who lurked my myspace think i'm weird cuz i have Number Three by ABACABB on there and it's heavy as fuck.

i'm all registered for classes and everything. i haven't paid for them though. i also havent payed for my books yet. i also havent bought this week's batch of comics haha. and i think i have -$100 in my debit card. so hopefully my paycheck is a fairly decent amount of cash money.

drew and siobhan moved down. their going away party was good, but it could have been better. i'm going to miss them a lot. seriously, she was like my only friend at times, and drew is one of my best buds. i wish them the best of luck down there.

since siobhan moved and can't cut my hair, and also because it's super hot, i shaved my head. anthony did too. and luke. haha i wasn't going to do it at first but i was like what the fuck. i told my co-workers i got drunk at a party and passed out and someone shaved it.

they are very gullible.

i just dropped my parents and Quinn off at the airport. they will be in seattle for a while, so i'm all alone at the house. no parties, i've learned my lesson. but that doesnt mean some friends cant come over and keep me company :]. i'm gonna go to sleep for awhile.

and probably not update this for a couple weeks.

cuz thats what happens :/


bye


-kelly

that i don't know what i want.
i usually get pissed at whoever says that.

but now i realize that it's true.
haha.




on a lighter note, im still blasting Mutiny by Set Your Goals.
always get's me in the right mood.
also, from this day forward i am cutting back on drinking.
im not quitting.
i dont have the strength for that.
im just not drinking as much.
ive seen shit happen to friends that i dont want happening to me.
i know my limits.
i wont cross them.


tonight was the worst show i've been to.
period.


p.s.

THESE 12 HOUR DRIVES
THEY ARE NOTHING WHEN I
I'M WITH ALL OF YOUUUU
IT'S THE ROAD THAT CALLS MY NAME

as of today i am working for Hollister Clothing Co.


i'm sure i'll fit right in.

warped tour was chill.
danced.
smashed.
tore my ankle.
had to get ant and albert to push me to the train station in a safeway cart.
eye-fucked the shit out of some random girl on the train.
we didn't even talk.
made videos of me being a freak on the train.





i'm feeling hollow again.
the things i was so excited about just turned out to be a mirage.
all things minus ABHG.
the new shit is amazing.
and we have shows again finally.
but yes.
everything else.
just a mirage.



she says she's over him.
but he still comes around.
she does nothing of it.
furthermore, he's more around then me.
and when i do pop up, she makes excuses.
it's always awkward.
never like i imagined.
i need to let go but i can't.
she's a cutie with a death grip.


siobhan says i need to stop looking.
let that shit find me.
but i know i'm not the kind of guy to wait around.


i have an interview at Hollister Clothing Co. tomorrow at 4.
i know.
dont really like the place.
but, when i went in to apply there were some very friendly faces.
i really need the money too.


i need love.
the kind in epic romance movies.

-kelly

EDIT: ON A LIGHTER NOTE I GOT THE NEW SET YOUR GOALS! UH AMAZING POSI SHIT WOOOOO!

sam and i destroyed.

i got fed up with shit real fast.
during the red chord, we were dancing with some other kids and some huge ass bro dude pushed us down. sam hit the ground, i just bounced into some other dudes.
more shit like that happening.
walls of jericho played, like the only hardcore band on the fucking bill, and bro moshers were destroying like everyone haha.
so some kids started a dance pit like kinda in the middle.

it was getting pretty violent.
security guards hate hardcore dancing.
shit happened.
mojo took out this guy that looked like chris benoit.
k.

then i'm two stepping during unearth.
this bro mosher comes in and is pushing everyone around, and im like whatever nigg, and keep dancing.
he comes behind me, puts his hands on my shoulders like he's gonna shove me, so i throw back my elbow as hard as i can.

hit's him square in the face.
aaaand his nose starts bleeding.
doesnt touch anyone for the rest of the set.

fast forward.
mostly gay shit.
dragonforce kicked ass.
only played 3 songs though because each song is like 7 minutes long hahaha.

then hatebreed.
"sam, if there is a pit, we're going in"
"ok"
couple songs into their set, there is no pit around us.
just some fat ass circle pit with drunken guys without their shirts on.
then i see someone throwing windmills.
i pull sam and justin and rick over there, we start dancing.
i hit a lot of kids.
it was hatebreed.
FUCKIN AMAZING.


oh, thursday i saw bane and outbreak!
life changing.
stage diving at the pound is sick!
someone shit in the sink in the bathroom.

seriously.
k bye!

still stoked.

nothing is going to kill this feeling.

:D

It's going straight to my head:
I think I'm falling in love again.
Such simple miracles have happened
since your steady hands have come and
stopped my unraveling.

Your fingers, built for the piano,
work out the knots that line my back.
The stress I've stored since last December;
But now, it doesn't matter.
I've learned to leave it in my past.

And I feel good about the future,
this clarity I've never had.
You are the bounce in my step,
the burst of blood in my chest,
the prayer I've kept in my head.

You are the knock of my knees,
the swollen sound of each song
I scribble down and tear up,
because they never match up.
You are the words I fumble for.

In the morning,
you are the daybreak,
and I am glad.

And at night,
you are the dream
I fall asleep to have.



by Kevin Devine.
I think Kevin Devine built a time machine, went into the future, and stole this from me after I wrote it a couple days from now.

It could've happened.
damn you kevin devine for stealing my words.

In related news, I'm the happiest I've been in awhile.
It only gets better from here :]

was pretty uh cool.
my grad party.

then nizo's.

nizo's was kinda boring not even gonna lie.

after that.
went to my house with the best of people.
me, lisa, sam, drew, siobhan, albert.
luis, mallory, and james showed up too.
the only one that was missing was anthony.

i miss that guy :[
he comes back thursday


we're recording tuesday.